the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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