my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
