Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
