did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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