Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
