what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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