The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
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four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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