Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
