Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
