a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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