i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
