in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
