i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
