as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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