You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
now i know why i became what i already was.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
