The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't deserve a penis
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
