Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I've blown a few things in my day
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
