Umm I'm too high to move.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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