get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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