i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
