hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
