I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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