I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I need water and some morals
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
