Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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