im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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