I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
