On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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