We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
