About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
