Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
