He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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