I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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