I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
