that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
