it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
