Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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