and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
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Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
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The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I need water and some morals
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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