i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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