I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
