Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
