he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I need to align my fucking chakras
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
