she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
