you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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