Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she told me i tasted like america
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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