I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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