We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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