i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
