I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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