So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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