I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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