We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
