At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
what day is it and did you see me today?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
