broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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