I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
