If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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