Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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