he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
