I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
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What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
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If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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