why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
