you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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