you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I deserve this hangover.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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