I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
