girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize
