:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
