I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
