Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
