I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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